What to do…I’m at a point where I don’t know if i should cry or just smile and realize its not all about me. I hate the way it feels right now.
Maybe i’m a bad sub or just an insecure, imperfect one. A month ago I felt like a prized possession and now i feel worthless. I know the latter isn’t true but it is how i feel. Despite knowing where my Master is coming from and understanding it; i somehow still identify it with being my fault its as if it feeds my insecurities. I long for the days past when i felt secure and safe.
No doubt Rihanna said it better than i could…the days are dark and yet somehow i am being productive.
Everywhere is still
everything is restless in my heart
I hate the way this feels
suddenly I’m scared to be apart.
The days are dark when you’re not around
the air is getting hard to breathe.
I wish that you would just put me down
I wish that I could go to sleep.
* This is how i feel in this moment of late. I am not suicidal in any way but the songs lyrics do in part reflect my current state of disturbia.