The hard part of submission is balancing it with the real world, relationship and expectations that we’ve been taught. Life has programmed us to think if we’re worthy then we get attention, we’re loved, important and valuable. But is that true? Am i any less worthy than i was 30 days ago to my Master? In reality no, and yet the doubt aka voices in your head might try and tell you other wise. I had to make conscience effort to challenge those dark destructive voices in the back of my mind. As i know they can derail relationships.
As a submissive were taught if our Master values us he gives us attention, which is true to a certain extent and yet if he is otherwise occupied should we not have the strength to believe and give the benefit of the doubt. Guidance, attention and value come in many forms, not always in words, picture <3, or even messages; sometimes priorities change but the value remains the same.
Value can be derived from the silence if your strong enough to endure.
I am no less worthy today than 30 days ago and yet I feel less worthy; why because i do not feel like a priority, which i know because it was made clear other things needs to be dealt with currently. When i challenge my thinking I know logically it’s fear and doubt casting dark shadows on my mind. My fear of being replaced isn’t even logical and yet it exists. Of course we can all be replaced but i cannot control that, control is an illusion anyway. i miss my Master, desire to serve him. He is not gone and he is here and yet i feel alone.
I suspect some fear and doubts will only be erased with time as they run deep in my soul. I derive my value to him in serving his wishes, bringing him pleasure and enduring. i’m sure he realizes that this isn’t easy, as it’s probably not any easier for him either.
i may not be a priory of late, but that does not bespeak of my value to my Master, or in anyway negate my value as a submissive female serving the one who owns her. If anything i think it should increase my value to him for enduring and serving as he needs me to.
Some days being a valued pet and submissive is not easy; what is odd is the most difficult days are the ones i am free and un-bound. These are the days I used to cry, curl up in a ball and wish i had a Daddy. Today i went to work and kicked ass. Although the last meeting where she deliberately pushed her boobs into mine while leaning over me, well all i can say is Bhleu really wants a girlfriend. There is something softer about a female. [More on this another time]
I/i did not cry or curl up in a ball, i thrived…now back in my office, barefoot i do wish for more and yet i am doing just fine, standing tall and proud on my own.