The darkness is squeezing my chest like a vise as though my entire upper body is being sat on by an elephant. It’s hard to breathe, although i am doing so. Every so often i just have to go lay out in the breeze and let it escape.
Note: This darkness has nothing to do with my Master or our relationship it has to do with personal loss and issues that have been placed on me by others.
Writing about it seems to help. I know being in his arms would help as well for at least the tears would have a purposeful release. Although in this state i probably would jump off the cliff and it would be dependent on him to bring me back. He usually pushes me to the edge then brings me back. All very controlled and please never doubt that i feel safe in his arms.
I’ve always struggled to use my safe word, probably always will. He reads me well and knows better than i how far to go.
Today, right now i could use to be gagged, bound and beaten by his whips, canes and floggers. I know the three tail bites, today it would draw blood long before i ever broke. I desire a painful release of the darkness and disturbia running through my veins.
Bhleu’s First experience with a 3 tail whip