Fuck it, it’s not a race it’s a lifestyle journey.

Fuck it, there will always be someone prettier, or able to push boundaries further than you. It’s not a race, its journey meant to be enjoyed. There will be tears, moments of panic and that is when the Dominant can help guide you to find that spot to push beyond. T o help provide balance so that you can achieve more and go further; and yet it resides with the sub to dig deep and push beyond the fear.

What happens when your greeted with silence? Do you push through on your own, maybe you do. It depends on the  issue, if your just being insecure than yes you’d better just suck it up and grow. What if it’s panic, you’ve reached your wall too early and you need some help getting there…Sometimes you may just want to crawl in the corner, I know I certainly did after disappointing my Master last week. Now i reside in this state of insecurity of knowing i can do better but not feeling insecure within myself, not exactly the place i desire to be.

This isn’t about proving myself to anyone its about doing and being the best submissive I know i can be for him and i failed one task… Yet i succeeded in so many others, why does one moment of panic hurt so fucking bad…

Physical limitations of being human, of being a emotional submissive and failing in one area despite trying hard to get beyond and control my fear and pain. Sometimes the pain overrides everything and you can’t find focus; what then? Do you walk away, crawl into a corner or allow your pet to feel like a failure. Not sure but but i do know I am neither a failure or a quitter. So i hit a small wall, panicked when bound excessively tight; it’s about growth and the journey.

When you know better, you do better. This is about a lifestyle and journey, everything cannot ride on one scene’s failure or success; I certainly wont accept that i am a failure because of one failed scene where i couldn’t go as far as i desired. It’s a learning curve, i grow stronger with each step and this is just the beginning…

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