I’m depressed…its the down side of spending glorious time with my Master. I don’t crash but life just seems blah, not as bright and sunny as when were together. I thought the more i got used to separating from him the easier it would be and it is in ways and in others it gets more difficult. Maybe because its that good, its more comfortable, easier to drop the barriers and slide into what is comfy. But damn if the let down on the back end doesn’t fuck with me at times. So yeah I’m beyond Bhleu.
Maybe I just need to focus on the positives, all the amazing things we do together. yet when I think of them my stomach aches and my body yearns for those touches. I feel so alone and yet I’m not. It’s all I can do from crawling into bed and bury my head and crying out the pain. I know they would be wasted tears, emotional reactions that serve no real purpose other than to vent the pain I’m feeling.
But why am i hurting or is it just plain and simple yearning for a touch i cannot have this moment. Since there is no real pain, i think its just a yearning much like a drug addict who craves a fix. I crave Masters touch, he is my drug of choice.
The blueness comes from being inside this meat suit which isn’t really me, me is the naked woman collard and chained; that is the woman who is at peace, waiting for her Master.